It Would Be Best If You Read This Book
How to Win Friends and Influence People: build positive relationships, influence others effectively, and elevate your interpersonal and communication skills
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is one of the books I wish I had read before. I will explain to you why I felt like that in this article.
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” written by Dale Carnegie, was first published in 1937 and quickly became a bestseller. Until his passing, he continually improved and redefined his teaching methods over time.
This book has 4 parts:
1.Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
2. Six Ways to Make People Like You
3. How to Win People To Your Way of Thinking
4. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offence or Arousing Resentment
Most of the examples used in the book are outdated, which might make you feel bored, but trust me, it’s worth the read. It also took me a while to finish it. In this article, I will cover the first two parts.
1. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
This principle tells us that if you are dealing with people, do not criticize, condemn, or complain, but why?
Let's keep in mind that you are dealing with emotional creatures, full of biases and motivations driven by pride and self-importance.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. — Dale Carnegie
Instead of criticizing, condemning, or complaining, let’s try to understand why they do what they do. That’s more effective than criticizing, and let’s try to forgive.
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
The key to convincing anyone to do something is by making the person want to do it. Of course, you can make someone do something by threatening or telling them you will give something back. However, these methods have severe and undesirable consequences.
The only way you can get someone to do anything is by giving them what they want. Do you know what they want?
The Desire to be Important — Dr. John Dewey or The Desire to be Great — Freud
Why not always try to see the good in people and avoid highlighting only the bad? Expressing genuine appreciation can positively impact others, self-perception, and motivation, and people will remember it for a lifetime and may even reciprocate it when you least expect it.
Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Of course, you are interested in what you want. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. — Dale Carnegie
Give people what they want, not what you want. So the only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. When sending an email containing a request, replace “I” and “my” with “you” and “your” as much as possible. They will feel that you are concerned about them.
Remember, if you want someone to do something, don’t preach. Instead, show them how it can be beneficial for them to obtain what they want.
2. Six Ways to Make People Like You
Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.
This is one of the principles you can follow if you want real friendships and relationships in life.
Principle 2: Smile.
A simple way to make a good first impression is to smile.
Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl, or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. — Dale Carnegie
Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble. 😬 Name makes each person unique, and addressing someone by their name gives them special importance.
Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
To become a good conversationalist, this is the best way you can move forward. Remember, as I said before, the people you talk to are not interested in you or what you want. They are interested in themselves. When you start a conversation, keep this in mind.
Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Carnegie shares the story of a man named Edward Chalif, who wanted to meet a famous financier, John D. Rockefeller. Instead of trying to discuss business or personal interests, Edward Chalif researched John D. Rockefeller’s interests and discovered his passion for the welfare of young people. When Chalif met Rockefeller, he discussed his work with the Boy Scouts, capturing Rockefeller’s attention and leading to a significant contribution to the organization.
His approach demonstrates that you can naturally become more likable and build stronger connections with people, even those who don't know you beforehand.
Principle 6: Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely.
This is one of the secrets to instantly making people like you: making the other person feel important by talking about themselves first.
Conclusion
You can maximize the value of this book by applying these techniques and principles as much as possible. Otherwise, adding it to your booklist won't be effective.
I've realized that I've made a lot of mistakes in past conversations. Please share your thoughts on how it went for you.
There will be another part that covers Part 3: “How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking” and Part 4: “Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offence or Arousing Resentment.” stay tuned 🤗
Thank you for reading!😊
